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[personal profile] nnozomi posting in [community profile] senzenwomen
Fuchizawa Noe was born in 1850 in Iwate, where her father was a farmer and teacher. Unlucky enough to be born the same year as a major fire, along with ongoing poor harvests, she was fostered out as a baby; her foster parents, the Hamadas, were affectionate, but her foster father died when she was six, after which her foster mother Karu raised her alone, having her educated to the extent possible in the village. At thirteen Noe was indentured to a local shoe store, remaining there until her marriage to the owner’s son at twenty-three. It went badly and she was soon divorced, returning to her birth family to live with a brother. Like Sono Teruko, she took up reading Fukuzawa Yukichi’s work and discovered an urge to study in America.

In 1879, her chance came by way of working as a maid with the family of the engineer Gervaise Purcell, who was returning to America. She spent a year with the Purcells and then went to live with the Prince family in San Francisco, studying English while she worked. She was baptized in 1882.

In the same year, she gave in to her foster mother’s pleas to return to Japan; at thirty-two, she entered Doshisha Girls’ School, leaving three years later when she could no longer afford the fees. She became a teacher first at Toyo Eiwa Girls’ School and then at Hitotsubashi Higher Girls’ School, interpreting for her former employer Miss Prince. After teaching at a series of girls’ schools in the south, building lifelong connections with some of her students, she kept a stationery store for some time in Tokyo, until 1904 when her foster mother Karu died.

In 1905, Noe visited Korea at the invitation of Viscount Okabe Nagamoto and his wife Okako, whom she had met on the boat home from America. She was appalled by the situation of Korean women, whom she found to be shut up inside their homes and required to submit blindly to their menfolk. Making a decision to devote the rest of her life to Korean girls’ education, she founded the Japan-Korea Women’s Association in early 1906, with the support of various eminent Koreans. In May she opened Meishin Girls’ School (later Sookmyung Girls’ School). Lee Jeong-sook, its first principal, thus became the first woman principal in Korea, while Noe served as dean (they were said to rely on each other to the point of telepathy). The school started out unpromisingly with five students, thanks to its stringent rule of taking only the purest of noble blood and to general disinterest in girls’ education. Subjects included Japanese, morals, sewing, and arithmetic among others. They resorted to a student dormitory because girls of high birth couldn’t be seen walking in the streets, requiring a carriage or a veil; when the school eventually outgrew the dormitory, they settled for confusing the eyes of passersby by having the students wear uniform. The language gap was a struggle. However, by 1936 the student body was to have grown to over 500.

Carefully selected and educated as they were, the Sookmyong students were by no means resigned to their colonial suzerains, taking part in the March First liberation movement of 1919 and holding a four-month strike against Japanese teachers and Japanizing education in 1927. Although she did not sympathize with the students’ views, Noe did her best to protect them according to her own lights, juggling connections with the Korean Governor-General and the local churches and women’s associations, having arrested students released on her own recognizance and allowing them to graduate without a stain on their records. She was dedicated to the peaceful “merging” of Japan and Korea, representing at best the “benevolent” side of colonialism while still committed to doing what she saw as the right thing, and in her own way contributing to women’s education in Korea.

Noe met in 1921 with Yajima Kajiko and Kubushiro Ochimi upon their visit to Korea to found a Korean branch of the WCTU, of which she promptly became chair. Known in her old age for spending the winters wearing hats knitted by her students, she died in 1936 at the age of eighty-six. Her funeral was held at her school and she was buried in Seoul (although after the Korean War her remains were moved to a temple in her Iwate home town). Sookmyung Women’s University remains a thriving concern in South Korea; its website names Lee Jeong-sook and the Korean royal family as participants in its founding, but does not refer by name to Noe.

Sources
https://nagoyawsrg.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/essays2008.pdf (English) Essay going into more detail about Japan’s colonial history in Korea as it relates to Noe.
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[personal profile] minoanmiss posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Content advisories: drunkenness, groping, unarmed violence, chaos, epic holiday partying.
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(no subject)

7/12/25 09:55
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have twin sons who are in college at different schools. They are good kids but a bit young for their age. I don't think either of them has ever dated. I have always taught them that they should have enough money to take a woman out on a date, and right now they aren't working. I offered to give them some cash to help them in case they do want to take someone on a date, but so far neither has taken me up on it. Have I done something wrong as a mother? Why are they so delayed? -- Arrested Development

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(no subject)

7/12/25 09:49
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[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Care and Feeding,

My sister openly doesn’t like me (and has said so publicly and directly), though we manage well enough for family events. I get along with my brother and his wife, but they are horrible at communication and interact with my sister more frequently. My dad gets along with all of us and is good at communication, but lives in denial of all weird family dynamics.

Around every holiday season or major family function, I get left out of crucial information regarding plans, transportation, emergency changes, etc. One consistent hurdle: Brother or Dad tells Sister something and assumes she will pass it on to me, and she doesn’t. I have explicitly told them both to stop doing this, and they just forget, leaving me scrambling when they ask why I haven’t RSVP’d/contributed to a group gift/etc. On the flip side, neither of my siblings is particularly good about getting back to me when I reach out to them, so asking directly doesn’t help either. (Brother and his wife are notoriously bad at responses with everyone, so it’s not personal, just frustrating.) One workaround I’ve discovered is to ask Dad to reach out on my behalf, because that guarantees an actual response, but it’s irritating that I have to resort to that to get basic information like, “What time do you expect me to arrive at your house?” Is there anything I can do to make this easier?

—It’s Mean Girls Meets Finding Dory


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ysobel: (Default)
[personal profile] ysobel posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
[Originally posted in chat; I have added paragraphs for readability]

My brother has organized an ill-advised surprise party for my father's 75th birthday.

Our father is a complete introvert and also very exacting. He likes things to be a certain way, and gets tense and angry if everything is not perfectly to his taste. He hates loud places and large groups of people. Unfortunately, he's always used excessive alcohol to handle social engagements and gets belligerent when drunk.

Because of all of this, I was surprised when my brother, "James" told me that he'd planned a surprise birthday party of 30 guests for my dad at a new restaurant. The guest list includes the following extremely awkward confirmed attendees: our aunt (dad's semi-estranged sister) who is an overbearing religious fanatic none of us can stand; our mother (dad's ex-wife) who is resented by our dad and hated by our aforementioned aunt because of the divorce; and a number of neighbors who our dad has been feuding with off and on for the last 20 years.

I asked my mom why she was going along with this and she said James called in a big favor she owed him and she felt like she couldn’t say no, so he’s pulling out all the stops to make this happen.

I don't know how James could possibly think this is a good idea, except that he has a huge ego and believes this will be some fairy tale reunion where everyone will suddenly make nice. I don't mean that James is a bad guy but he has a tendency to steamroll over people and do things "for their own good." Every argument I've made against this party has prompted him to lecture me and act like he knows so much better because he's 7 years older than me.

It's true that my Dad can be difficult but I don't want him to feel ambushed on his birthday. If James keeps refusing to cancel should I warn my dad? Or do I just kick back with a glass of wine and watch the drama unfold?


response and update )
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[personal profile] nnozomi posting in [community profile] senzenwomen
Sono Teruko was born in 1846 in Edo (later to be Tokyo) in a well-to-do doctor’s household; her two brothers both became doctors as well and her sister Haruko a teacher. In 1865 she married a local samurai; their daughter Toyoko was born in 1868, but as the world changed around them with the Meiji Restoration, Teruko quarreled frequently with her husband over his drinking and his way with money (his samurai-style way of doing business was not profitable). In 1871 she left him and returned to the family home, now in Ibaraki, with her daughter.

After teaching along with Haruko for some time, she left for Tokyo to study the law (leaving Toyoko with her sister as the future inheritor of the household). In 1874, after a short apprenticeship, she became a daigennin or unofficial lawyer, the only woman to do so, and brought her daughter to Tokyo now that she had a means of support. Over the next eleven years she won numerous cases, becoming a celebrity for her elegant and practical clothing and hairstyle as well as her legal skills. It was increasingly difficult to make a living, however (in the hot summer of 1876 she ran a popular but short-lived icehouse as a side hustle), as the legal system became formalized: to be a lawyer you had to pass an exam, and to pass the exam you had to go to law school, and to go to law school you had to be a man. Facing the end of her legal career, Teruko decided to focus on education for women. She consulted the philosopher and supporter of women’s education Fukuzawa Yukichi, who said cynically that since most men studying overseas wasted the money spent on them, she ought to start off with nothing and earn on her own account.

In 1885 she set off for San Francisco, where the first thing that happened was a bank failure that left her penniless. With help from a local church, where she became a Christian and did mission work among Japanese sex workers, she started from scratch, working as a maid while she attended elementary school to master English and eventually graduated at the age of forty-two. She continued her studies in Chicago and New York, meanwhile setting up women’s groups and giving speeches on human rights and welfare for the Women’s Christian Temperance Union. She also published an autobiography in English.

In 1893 she returned to Japan, pausing to report to Fukuzawa that his snide remark had come true and leaving him speechless. The following year she launched the Komatsu [or Kisho?] Girls’ School, which taught reading, writing, calligraphy, arithmetic, accounting, English, and various household skills; its opening ceremony was attended by Tsuda Umeko among others. The school was funded by the church, however, and eventually closed down after Teruko’s views on education clashed with the official line. She began to drift away from Christianity, becoming a Buddhist nun in 1904 and settling down in a quiet temple, from which she continued charity work supporting education, the Red Cross, and women’s rights. She died in 1925 at the age of seventy-nine.

Sources
https://archive.org/details/telsonojapaneser00sono/page/n7/mode/2up (English) Teruko’s 1890 autobiography
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[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
1. Dear Carolyn: My fiancé and I got engaged on Jan. 1, 2024 — so, almost two years ago — and then my sister and her fiancé got engaged this past summer. For a whole host of reasons, my fiancé and I have not gotten far at all in the wedding planning, but my sister and hers set a date and booked a venue pretty quickly — for the first weekend in July.

Recently, my fiancé sighted a local, family-owned venue and has started saying he wants to get married there in mid-June, around our anniversary and after school lets out because there are kids in our families we want to be there. If we did that, then it would be back-to-back weddings, which I — I cannot stress this enough — do NOT think is a great idea.
My sister and I have very overlapping guest lists, for one thing. Plus, I will be in her wedding (and hopefully she in mine), and I think we would each like to be able to focus on that without worrying about the details of another big event around the same time. Also, we are from a close family, and it just feels like squeezing too much juice out of one summer. Our mom is not super healthy, and I know she wants to be there for both of us.

I would strongly prefer to postpone our wedding until perhaps next spring, and honestly since we (especially my fiancé) have dragged our feet this much so far, there doesn’t feel like much of a hurry anymore. My fiancé is upset by this and says it feels like I’m letting my sister delay our marriage. Am I being obtuse by thinking we should get married a few months later than he wants to? We have been together for almost eight years, if it matters!
— Sister


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2. Dear Carolyn: How do you navigate co-parenting a teen who is wicked smart but seemingly without motivation? My 17-year-old junior signed up for four AP classes this year, even after a good conversation about the amount of work they are and his not-great track record of turning in schoolwork. He thought he could handle it.

Here we are at the second quarter, and lo and behold, he’s struggling to keep up. I’m not in I-told-you-so mode, I promise! I am trying to be collaborative, asking how we can handle things here at my house to make it easier for him to focus (should probably mention ADHD). Those conversations always feel productive in terms of treating each other with respect, but … less effective at actually getting work done.

I am solidly of the opinion that, within reason, he should reap both the rewards AND the consequences of his decisions, and if an F is the consequence of not doing the work, well. His dad is much more aggressive at his house, and frequently my son comes back to me after a row with his dad over his lackluster performance.

Dad and I manage decently well at co-parenting except for this one area. I feel like Dad is worried more how all this reflects on HIM and not as interested in who his child really is. I can relate to my kid’s struggles, having had similar problems — and also possibly being neurodivergent, too — but Dad thinks if he just lectures enough, it will finally sink in.

My son can completely articulate what will happen if he fails a class and what will happen to his college and job prospects if his GPA tanks. What’s the point of repeating it ad nauseam? I am also trying to be a safe place, but his dad thinks I’m doing absolutely nothing. I’m fine telling Dad to stuff it about the “nothing” I’m doing, because I’ve been advocating hard for my kid since kindergarten — but any thoughts on navigating this? I use what few levers I have to encourage getting the work done, but he’s 17, and I can’t exactly tie him to a chair.
— Co-Parent of an Unmotivated Teen


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3. Dear Carolyn: I have always found the holidays to be a massive pain in the neck, and I have little interest in participating. This is not a new thing; I’m 30, and I’ve always felt that way. Like Scrooge, I’ve always been happy to let others keep Christmas in their way and for me to not keep it in mine.

Two years ago, I was married. Our engagement happened over a Christmas season, so my wife was well aware before she married me that I’m not the Christmas type.

Well, you guessed it, she is insistent that I help pick out and decorate a tree, put up Christmas decorations, attend holiday events, and buy a bunch of Christmas gifts. I’ve told her point-blank that I will not do it. I’ve told her SHE is welcome to buy and decorate as many trees as she wants, but I’m not helping with it. This has led to a couple of arguments, tears and claims that I’m selfish. She’s not speaking to me after I told her yesterday that I wasn’t planning to be home for the big party she’s planning to throw.

To me, Christmas is like religion: Practice it if you want, but don’t nag other people to practice it with you, and don’t try to change people who are (or were) happy with their lives as they are. So who’s right here?
— Scrooge


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4. Dear Carolyn: Two years ago, my in-laws asked me and my husband if we wanted them to help us buy a house. They had asked before and we said no, but at this point we were ready to start building community roots, so we said yes please. With their help, we bought a house we love(d), a cozy four-bedroom house in a progressive suburb.

On a visit a few months later, my mother-in-law tutted over the two bedrooms we turned into our offices, commenting that “it will be hard to repurpose these for babies when it’s time.” At no point have we ever indicated that we plan to have children, and in fact we do not plan to, which we had to tell her then.

Carolyn, she was so upset that it was shocking. Though my father-in-law helped defuse, she bawled violently at this news and informed us that she felt like she had bought us a house under false pretenses. She eventually collected herself but was subdued for the rest of the planned visit, another day and a half.

It has been about 18 months since then, and our relationship is now chilly. I feel uncomfortable inviting them to our home because now I feel like they think we don’t deserve it. I find it hurtful to know they wanted us to have a nice house not so that we could enjoy our own lives, but to enrich their grandchildren. And at some level, I feel like we stole from them, even though it’s ridiculous.

Every week, I tell my husband I think we should sell the house, give them some of the proceeds and go back to apartment living. He says I’m nuts and to ignore his mom’s dramatics. But did we do something wrong here?
— Hurt


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conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Our 6-year-old is about to lose her first baby tooth, and my wife wants her to put it under her pillow and do the whole Tooth Fairy routine. I think this is idiotic. When I said so, my wife called me a killjoy and accused me of ruining a “sacred rite of childhood.” It’s 2025, and I’m pretty sure even little kids don’t believe in the Tooth Fairy anymore. Do I really have to play along with this?

—Dad Living In Reality


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December Monthly Post

1/12/25 01:49
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[personal profile] ysabetwordsmith posting in [community profile] crowdfunding
What are your planned crowdfunding projects for December? What did you accomplish during November?

There is no Creative Jam in December.  The January 2026 [community profile] crowdfunding Creative Jam will run Saturday 17-Sunday 18 with a theme of "Memories."  That will be our 150th Creative Jam, wow!  I hope everyone shows up for it.
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[staff profile] denise posting in [site community profile] dw_news
Hello, friends! It's about to be December again, and you know what that means: the fact I am posting this actually before December 1 means [staff profile] karzilla reminded me about the existence of linear time again. Wait, no -- well, yes, but also -- okay, look, let me back up and start again: it's almost December, and that means it's time for our annual December holiday points bonus.

The standard explanation: For the entire month of December, all orders made in the Shop of points and paid time, either for you or as a gift for a friend, will have 10% of your completed cart total sent to you in points when you finish the transaction. For instance, if you buy an order of 12 months of paid time for $35 (350 points), you'll get 35 points when the order is complete, to use on a future purchase.

The fine print and much more behind this cut! )

Thank you, in short, for being the best possible users any social media site could possibly ever hope for. I'm probably in danger of crossing the Sappiness Line if I haven't already, but you all make everything worth it.

On behalf of Mark, Jen, Robby, and our team of awesome volunteers, and to each and every one of you, whether you've been with us on this wild ride since the beginning or just signed up last week, I'm wishing you all a very happy set of end-of-year holidays, whichever ones you celebrate, and hoping for all of you that your 2026 is full of kindness, determination, empathy, and a hell of a lot more luck than we've all had lately. Let's go.

May 2025

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